“TEXTp is the result of months of intense transcoding efforts by our engineers, who toiled for weeks to ensure that a large chunk of videos on the platform could be reduced to their most basic elements. By replacing the images in the video with a series of letters and numbers, the videos are far less taxing on our system — and have the added benefit of promoting literacy!”
“To find that really awesome deal every day, you have to play your way through a text adventure to successfully reach the big prize. C’mon, real wooters aren’t going to let a few frog-men or barbarians or desperadoes stand between them and that cheap netbook.”
“We think the Monolith Action Figures were left by some ancient, extra-galactic, action figure intelligence. We believe, based on our tests (including pH, electromagnetic, and taste) these Monolith Action Figures will eventually cause other action figures to evolve. We’re not sure if that means gaining better accessories and articulation, or becoming sentient. Either one is cool in our book.”
“Early last month the mayor of Topeka, Kansas stunned the world by announcing that his city was changing it’s name to Google. We’ve been wondering ever since how best to honor that moving gesture. Today we are pleased to announce that as of 1AM (Central Daylight Time) April 1st, Google has officially changed our name to Topeka.”
And Microsoft announces that the the Call of Duty map pack pricing was a typo, and will in fact revert to it’s rightful price of only $5.
Just kidding about that last one.